Funny Facebook Status : Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don’t get it. Moving on...
Funny Facebook Status : When I kill a spider or any type of bug I always think its family and friends are going to come after me for revenge...
Funny Facebook Status : I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you...
Funny Facebook Status : When Bill Gates's life flashes before his eyes, I hope it appears as PowerPoint presentation that employs every cheesy transition & effect...
Funny Facebook Status : If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them...
Funny Facebook Status : Forget the “poke” button… I want a “Punch someone in the face so they know how dumb they really are” button...
Funny Facebook Status : Some people u know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window...
Funny Facebook Status : When someone says "hey man, its been a while!" I can't help but think "I've been avoiding you, but you're becoming a better finder."...
Funny Facebook Status : If a person is texting while walking through a crosswalk against oncoming traffic that has green light I think it should be legal to hit them...
Funny Facebook Status : will never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night again!...
Funny Facebook Status : Facebook asks what I’m thinking. Twitter asks what I’m doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a crazy girlfriend...
Funny Facebook Status : So I turned my phone onto “airplane mode” and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!...
Funny Facebook Status : If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared?...
Funny Facebook Status : I love facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Funny Facebook Status : If you play a Ke$ha song backwards, you hear messages from Satan. Even worse, if you play it forwards you hear Ke$ha...
Funny Facebook Status : A cat falls into a puddle of water. A chicken starts laughing hysterically. The moral of the story is "A Wet Pussy Makes A Cock Very Happy"...
Funny Facebook Status : Every time a sexy woman jumps out of a giant cake there is at least one guy who is bummed about the cake being ruined...
Funny Facebook Status : Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you...
Funny Facebook Status : Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?...
Funny Facebook Status : Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you'll never go back" episode of Mythbusters...
Funny Facebook Status : More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly...
Funny Facebook Status : I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that...
Funny Facebook Status : Old people at weddings always poke me n say "You're Next". So I started doing the same to them at funerals...
Funny Facebook Status : I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the script #DamnTeenQuote...
Funny Facebook Status : Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?" 12 people called me...I need smarter friends...
Funny Facebook Status : I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the fuck is my phone?" and it would be like, "It's under the couch dumbass."...
Funny Facebook Status : Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge...
Funny Facebook Status : Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment...
Funny Facebook Status : When I drive if you beep your horn 1 second after the light changes green I will shut off my car, lay on the hood & feed birds for an hour...
Funny Facebook Status : It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit...
Funny Facebook Status : I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to ten people."...
Funny Facebook Status : Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. Nobody thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your crotch...
Funny Facebook Status : I want to change my name on Facebook to "No One," so when I try to add people, it will say, "No One wants to be your friend."...
Funny Facebook Status : Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding...
Funny Facebook Status : Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you...
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